You’re Not Unready — You’re Over-Rehearsed: Stop the Good Girl Tax

Episode 380 | Solo | Runtime: ~14 minutes

Host: Karen Yankovich

[00:00] The Number in Your Head

Karen: Last week I told you my number. I sat right here and said the thing out loud that I’ve kept quiet for years — because I wanted you to see that I’m not standing on the other side of some mountain you can’t climb. I am right here on the trail with you.

Today, I’m coming after your number. Not your revenue number. Your other number. The one in your head. The one that says, “Not yet.”

Let me say this back to you. I want you to listen for whether this sounds familiar, because I’m going to say it exactly the way you say it to yourself:

• “I just want to be ready before I raise my rates. I want to be sure I can actually deliver at that price.”
• “I’ll pitch myself for the keynote once I’ve got a few more wins I can point to.”
• “I’m not going to launch this offer until it’s really, really solid. I owe people that.”
• “I’ll start going on podcasts when I have my messaging totally dialed in.”
• “That’s not fear — that’s me being responsible. That’s me having integrity. I’m not one of those people who fakes it.”

Did you feel that little catch in your chest? I did too.

Because I’ve said every single one of those sentences out loud — with complete, utter, total conviction. I believed I was being the most responsible woman in the room.

Sit in that for one more second. Because everything I just said sounds like wisdom. It sounds like maturity. It sounds like exactly the kind of woman you were raised to be.

And maybe that’s our whole problem.

[02:30] The Good Girl Tax — Grown Up and Sophisticated

Karen: Here’s what I see now that I couldn’t see then: that is not responsibility. That is the good girl tax.

“Getting ready” is what the tax looks like when it’s grown up and gotten sophisticated.

One of my clients — you know who you are, I’ve mentioned this before — coined this term that I thought was brilliant: procrastinating. When you were younger, it looked like only raising your hand when you were absolutely sure. Right now, it looks like a beautifully reasonable business decision to just wait a little longer until you’re truly ready.

Same tax. Prettier dress.

And before you argue with me — because I can feel you arguing through the interwebs right now — I’m not going to tell you it’s all in your head. I’m not going to tell you to just have more confidence. That’s lazy advice, and frankly it’s a little insulting.

You didn’t come up with this caution out of nowhere. This is systemic.

[04:16] The Research That Should Make Your Hair Stand on End

Karen: Let me show you exactly where you learned it — because once you see it, it’ll be hard to unsee.

There’s real research on this. Not a quote somebody’s grandmother passed down — actual peer-reviewed work from economists at MIT, Yale, and the University of Minnesota. They studied almost 30,000 employees on the management track at a large company. Real numbers, real promotion records, real ratings, real data.

Here’s what they found:

• Women got higher performance scores than men. They were doing the job better. That’s in the data.
• But women got lower scores on one specific thing: potential. About 8% lower on that squishy, made-up gut-feeling number — the one that’s supposed to answer “Can this person handle the next level?”
• The women crushed the part you could measure. They lost on the part somebody just decided about them.
• That gap explained up to half of the entire difference in who got promoted.
• Women were around 14% less likely to get promoted — not because they were worse. They were better.

They lost on a number somebody made up about their future.

And here’s the part that makes my hair stand on end: the researchers followed them. The women who did get promoted went on to outperform the men who had been rated higher on potential — every single time. The potential scores weren’t even accurate. The women were better bets the entire time. And the system bet against them anyway.

[06:00] You Learned the Rule So Well You Kept Enforcing It After They Stopped

Karen: You are not crazy. You did not invent this caution. You learned it. We all learned it. We lived our entire careers inside a system that scores men on what they might do and scores women on what they’ve already proven.

For him, the bar was “I bet he’s got it.” For you, the bar was “Show me.” So of course you over-prepare. Of course you wait for 100%. Of course you do. You’re not paranoid. You were paying attention.

But here’s the hard part: you learned that rule so well that you kept enforcing it after they stopped.

When you worked for someone else, there was a panel. A hiring committee. A guy with a clipboard deciding whether you were ready — and he was holding you to a higher standard. That was real. That was unfair.

But you don’t work there anymore.

Look around at your business. Where’s the committee? Where’s the panel that decides you’re not ready to charge more? Where’s the gatekeeper who won’t let you pitch yourself for that stage? Where’s the guy with the clipboard saying “not yet”?

There isn’t one.

It’s you. It’s me. We’re the panel now.

You took that rigged scoreboard, internalized it completely, and now you run it on yourself for free — when there is literally no one else left doing this to you. You spent years furious at a system that scored you on proof instead of potential. And now you became that system. You are the strictest evaluator you have ever worked for, and no one’s ever sent you a bill for it.

[08:05] The Real Cost of the Good Girl Tax

Karen: The good girl tax always comes with a bill. You’ve been paying it on autopilot. Let’s actually add this up.

The keynote you’ve been getting ready for? Somebody else gave it. Someone less prepared than you. I’ve been in that room — sitting there thinking, “I could have done this better.” And they were getting paid a lot of money for it. Someone who’d been doing it for maybe half as long as you walked onto a stage you quietly decided you weren’t seasoned enough to pitch for yet.

And you’re still getting ready for it.

Now let’s talk about your rate. Take the number you could have charged three years ago — the one you keep saying you’ll grow into. Subtract the number you actually charged. Multiply that difference by every client since.

That’s not a rounding error. That’s a car. That’s a Birkin bag. That’s a year of college for one of your kids. That’s a down payment on a house.

You didn’t lose that money to a competitor. You handed it back voluntarily in exchange for feeling responsible.

And there’s the offer still sitting in drafts. The podcast pitches you never sent. The post you wrote and deleted because it wasn’t quite there yet. The masterclass you’ve been refining for 18 months. I have a hard drive full of that stuff.

But here’s the line item that really gets me. It’s not even the money. It’s the time. Because the one thing this tax takes that you can never claw back is the years. You’ve been ready — genuinely, demonstrably, data-on-your-side ready — for a long, long time. And what did you do? You spent that readiness getting more ready.

[10:00] Potential Is a Decision — Not a Destination

Karen: Here’s what I actually believe, and it might sound backwards — so stick with me.

Those men in the study weren’t more ready than the women. We already covered that. The women were better. The men didn’t earn higher potential scores. They got handed potential. Someone looked at them and decided to bet on their future.

So here’s the obvious question: if potential is something somebody just decides about a person, why are you waiting for someone to decide it about you?

Because that is the move you’re still making. You’re standing there with better performance scores than half the people already on the stage — waiting for an invisible committee to tap you on the shoulder and say, “Okay. Now you’re ready.”

That committee is gone. That chair is empty. It’s not happening.

Almost every woman I talk to knows she’s good. She knows she’s great at this. But “ready” was never a finish line you could cross. It’s a decision you make.

And in your own business? You’re the only one with a vote.

So you can grant yourself the same benefit of the doubt the world has been handing men for free your entire career — and you can do it today.

[11:30] Getting Ready Is How Vanity Visibility Sneaks Back In

Karen: A few weeks ago I talked about the difference between vanity visibility and the real thing. This is where they connect.

Getting ready is how vanity visibility sneaks back in the side door. Because polishing feels like progress. Refining the offer, perfecting the deck, tweaking the bio for the millionth time — it looks like work. It feels productive. And it keeps you safely out of the actual room.

Procrastinating. Procrastinating. Procrastinating of publishing. Whatever we’re going to call this.

Real visibility was never about being the most polished person on the platform. It’s about being in the room before you feel finished. The calls on your calendar won’t come from being ready. They’ll come from being seen. And you can’t be seen from inside all the prep work.

[12:09] Your One Thing — The Homework

Karen: I want to poke you. And I’m going to ask you for exactly one thing. Not ten things. Just one.

Here’s the provocation first: you have been ready for a decade. You have the receipts. Better performance, every time. The data is literally on your side.

The thing you’ve been calling “getting ready” was never preparation. It was permission — permission you were waiting for from people who were never going to give it, for a standard that doesn’t even apply to you anymore.

You’re not underqualified. You’re over-rehearsed.

So here’s your one thing. I don’t want you to overhaul your business this week. I don’t want a new plan. Plans are just getting ready in a spreadsheet.

I want one actual move:

• Name the room. The specific one. The keynote. The rate. The offer. The podcast. The thing you’ve been getting ready for. Say it out loud.
• Take the smallest real action step toward it in the next few days.

Send the pitch. Say that new rate out loud to one actual human being — even if it’s just a friend — so it leaves your body and enters the world. Open the drafts folder and hit publish on the thing that’s been sitting there. Press record.

One step doesn’t change everything. But one step is how you prove to yourself that the committee is gone. The door is not locked. It was never locked.

And if you don’t want to take that step alone — if you want some company while you do this deeply uncomfortable thing of acting before you feel done — that’s exactly what we do over in the Visibility Salon. You can check it out free for a week at visibilitysalon.com. It’s full of women practicing being unready out loud, together.

But the step is yours either way.

This is your homework. And it’s the easiest hard thing I’m ever going to assign you.

Name the room. Take the step. Stop getting ready for a life you are already qualified for.

Next week, we’re going somewhere I think you’ve been avoiding even harder than this one. Because once you’re ready, you’ve got to admit what you actually want — out loud. The actual recognition. The big, unapologetic version of it. And women have been hesitating way too long. So next week, we get our permission.

Until then — you’ve been ready for a decade. Go act like it.

I’ll see you back here next week.